Be gay, solve crime, take naps…
We’re thrilled to share the cover and preview an excerpt from Courtney Smyth’s The Undetectables, a witty and quirky fantasy murder mystery set in a folkloric world of witches, faeires, vampires, trolls and ghosts—publishing September 26, 2023 from Titan Books.
A magical serial killer is stalking the Occult town of Wrackton. Hypnotic whistling causes victims to chew their own tongues off, leading to the killer being dubbed the Whistler (original, right?). But outside the lack of taste buds and the strange magical carvings on the victims’ torsos, the murderer leaves no evidence. No obvious clues. No reason—or so it seems.
Enter the Undetectables, a detective agency run by three witches and a ghost in a cat costume (don’t ask). They are hired to investigate the murders, but with their only case so far left unsolved, will they be up to the task? Mallory, the forensic science expert, is struggling with pain and fatigue from her recently diagnosed fibromyalgia. Cornelia, the team member most likely to go rogue and punch a police officer, is suddenly stirring all sorts of feelings in Mallory. Diana, the social butterfly of the group, is hitting up all of her ex-girlfriends for information. And not forgetting ghostly Theodore—deceased, dramatic, and also the agency’s first dead body and unsolved murder case.
With bodies stacking up and the case leading them to mysteries at the very heart of magical society, can the Undetectables find the Whistler before they become the killer’s next victims?
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The Undetectables
Courtney Smyth (they/them) is a chronically ill writer of stories, both long and short, from Dublin, currently living in the West of Ireland. They have had a number of short stories published in Paper Lanterns Literary Journal, and appeared in The Last Five Minutes of a Storm anthology from Sans Press. They have been writing about ghosts, demons and murders since they were ten and have no plans to stop. They can be found yelling about books on Twitter and Instagram @cswritesbooks.
Mallory led the way down the basement stairs, holding her witchlight high. It was dark and eerily silent now that the hubbub of the party was behind them. She pushed open the door. Diana held up her witchlight too, illuminating the darkness in a cold blue glow.
Though they had been looking for a mystery, Mallory was not quite prepared for the sight that greeted them.
‘Oh. Oh, goddess.’ Diana took a step back. Cornelia made a small strangled noise and gripped Diana’s arm. Mallory ignored them both and moved into the room, having locked eyes with a man wearing faux cat ears and a huge purple cardigan. He stood over the body of a man wearing faux cat ears and an equally huge purple cardigan.
‘Am I…’ Theodore Wyatt gestured at the body. His body. ‘Can you go get an adult for me? Please? Perhaps the Broadwicks? I believe I’ve had an accident and I need medical attention,’ he babbled.
‘Diana?’ Mallory said gently, recovering fastest. Her brain seemed to have caught on before her body that her greatest wish had come true, a thread of excitement bubbling through her. Diana, who had backed into the corner with Cornelia and was staring at both ghost-Theodore and his body with trepidation, snapped out of her cocoon of terror.
‘Light?’
Mallory hummed her assent, and Diana gently wrested Cornelia’s witchlight out of her hand and set it down in front of the body, placing her own to the other side of it. Mallory had already set hers on a high shelf, to light as much of the room as possible. She noted an extinguished witchlight was already there, though she was unsure why it wasn’t lit.
‘Cornelia.’ Mallory turned to her friend. ‘Please close the basement door. We need to secure the scene for Mr…’
‘Theodore. Wyatt. No Mister, that was my father’s name. Literally, that was my father’s name, letters came addressed to Mr Mister Wyatt, it was all very confusing at times.’ His hands were pressed to the side of his face, static sparkling as he spoke rapidly.
Cornelia slammed the door shut and slid down it, her face not betraying any of her feelings. Mallory knew she was not easily scared, but meeting a fresh Samhain ghost was practically unheard of.
Mallory sat next to Theodore’s body, keeping eye contact with his ghost. She spoke softly and quietly, as though to a frightened animal, calm surety guiding her actions. She would look back on this night and recognise it as the very moment she knew exactly what path her life was meant to take. The body on the floor was drained of colour, the right hand blackened and the muscles and tendons raised and red around the bulb that was still clutched in it. She did not react strongly to the sight of a dead body; it was dead, and she was there, and both felt factually acceptable. Ghost-Theodore’s hand was not as badly damaged, and thankfully did not contain a lightbulb.
He rubbed his hair and knocked the cat ears from his head. Both his and Mallory’s eyes flicked upwards as the ears rematerialised immediately. They were to be, it seemed, a permanent fixture. He blinked rapidly in alarm.
‘Before we go get anyone, we need to establish some facts. Where did you come from?’ Mallory folded her hands in her lap.
‘Oughteron, I used to live in a house and now I live in an apartment and I look at human remains and also remains of not humans ah-haha I am a forensic para-anthropologist and I was hired by the Ghoul Council to investigate the source of spectral disturbances and I was made to come to this party and a demon wearing fake devil horns, at least I think they’re fake devil horns, gave me cat ears and I came down here to fix the lights and now I am still here and I don’t have any sandwiches,’ Theodore said in one breath. A wild giggle escaped him.
‘Okay, Theodore,’ Mallory said gently, knowing instinctively that she needed to keep him calm. ‘Can you describe what happened when you got to the basement?’
Theodore did, repeating himself often, but he couldn’t quite explain what had happened when he’d reached into the lamp.
‘As I did it I remember thinking “is this plugged in?” and wondering why I hadn’t checked. And then…then…’ He looked down at his body. ‘Okay. This might sound odd, but can you confirm: am I dead?’
‘Oh, definitely.’ Cornelia inched forwards so she was now sitting beside Diana, who was carefully scanning the room, her eyes lingering on every shadow, every cobweb.
Theodore made a high-pitched sound and buried his face in his hands.
‘Why haven’t I passed over?’
‘Weren’t you working under a Ghoul Council license?’
Mallory knew what Cornelia meant, but Cornelia had a tendency towards bluntness.
‘What Cornelia means is, through your work with the Ghoul Council, did you happen to learn what a Samhain ghost is?’ Mallory amended kindly.
Theodore looked at her and chewed his thumb absently. A spatter of static fuzzed from his cheek.
‘Yes. I think I’m in shock. Ah-haha!’ He giggled again. ‘Shock, bad pun. Yes. They mentioned… rules. The spectral disturbances in the Mayoral Offices – you know about those. The ones around Samhain. Though we Apparents just call that Halloween. You probably know that.’
‘We go to an Apparent school,’ Diana said, her eyes now taking in every detail on the lamp. She beckoned Mallory over to look at it, pointing urgently at the plug socket and the lamp flex on the floor. Mallory shook her head subtly, unsure what Diana was trying to show her. Diana rolled her eyes impatiently.
‘Oh, how nice for you. Education and such. Wonderful,’ Theodore babbled. ‘Well of course Samhain ghosts are a theoretical possibility, but there are a number of conditions required to qualify. Strong enough pull to remain on earth, die on Samhain, obviously. Body rejects ghost immediately and doesn’t re-join within ten minutes of death. Something about a positive electric charge, I think, perhaps something as simple as a static shock.’ He ticked the conditions off on his hands, spraying static into the air.
Mallory had just noted that reciting facts seemed to calm him slightly, when Theodore opened his mouth again.
‘It’s incredibly rare and unlikely, as in you could’ve come in here and found a unicorn. Have you ever seen a unicorn? I feel maybe they’re not that rare, I’ve never actually seen a bat or an owl so maybe there are just—’
‘And do you think there’s a possibility you yourself could be a Samhain ghost?’ Mallory tilted her head towards the body, and back to Theodore.
‘I don’t know. I sat here for a while, when I woke up, and it took me a bit to realise I couldn’t leave because I would still… be here.’
Mallory allowed a moment’s silence to elapse as Theodore took in the weight of his own words.
‘Mallory,’ Diana said finally. ‘Can we speak on the stairs?’
‘We’ll be right back,’ Mallory said. Theodore nodded fervently and wiped his eyes. The whiskers smudged onto his fingers. He rubbed at them again, a hopeful look crossing his face. Wordlessly, Diana pulled a small mirror from her pocket and held it up so that Theodore could see in real time as the whiskers rematerialized. He sagged with resignation.
‘I’m a cat. I’m going to be a cat forever. The last living thing I said was “let miaow-t”. I shall meditate on this until your return.’
Excerpted from The Undetectables, copyright © 2023 by Courtney Smyth
